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THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1983) - Rating: * * (Reviewed by Louis Stephenson)

12/27/2017

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THE STORY:
Sick and tired of Mrs Slater’s tyrannical reign as their Housemother, seven sorority sisters devise a prank to get revenge. After an accident results in her death on the Eve of their graduation, they band together to cover it up. But as a night of celebration wears on, the seven sisters start disappearing one by one. Someone knows their secret. But who…? Blu-ray No.31 in 88 Films Slasher Classics Collection.

First known to us as House of Evil when it reached our shores in 1983, the slasher classic also known as The House on Sorority Row had actually been cut for our viewing audiences. All I can say is my case of modern-day desensitization must be worse than I thought because if the version we have today actually passes for ‘uncut’, then damn, they must’ve thought they were watching a frickin’ comedy back then! Yeah, the bird’s eye shot of the toilet is pretty nasty, but aside from that…how is this even still worthy of its 18 certificate?
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When you know little factoids such as one of the seven sisters being killed off early because her hairstyle was too alike to another sister, it only cements opinion that not a lot of effort was put into creating a distinguishable character for each girl. So what we are left with is a very basic, flaccid slasher film, lacking the savagery and invention of its more successful competitors. That is, until we reach the final act.

Astoundingly, The House on Sorority Row does what so, so very few slasher movies do. It steps up its game in Act 3, and then some. Friday the 13th (1980) and A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) will always be wonderful editions in slasher history, but by comparison Friday’s final shout turns into a bunch of annoyingly continuous running and hiding, whilst Nightmare’s showdown comes off as a funnier version of Mouse Trap. Their saving grace is that both their twist endings are better than Row’s.
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LAST WORDS:
Watch out for sister Katherine’s drug-induced psychedelic trip out scene. It’s most likely a sure-fire unpopular opinion, but I’m just going to say it: The remake is better. R.I.P Carrie & Debbie.

EXTRAS:
If you’re a slipcase collector, I’ve just checked the website and I have some bad news… They are still in stock. There was a vote on this one and oh, dear god, the result totally sucks ass. You also get a booklet. I don’t know about you, but I don’t fucking read them. Primarily because I fall asleep mere seconds into trying to get through my own reading list, so I stand no chance when squinting at any accomplished horror connoisseur’s scribings. The actual Special Features consist of interviews with the film’s composer and critic Kim Newman, and an Audio Commentary done via podcast… Podcast? Whatever melts your better, I guess…
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