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Hell Town - Rating: * * (Reviewed by Louis Stephenson)

8/25/2016

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Picture
​THE STORY:
These are the days of teens’ lives as someone is killing off high school seniors…  Like, oh my god!
 
Spoofing teenybopper soap operas with a dash and a slash of horror sounds like a terrific idea, in theory.  Unfortunately, in Hell Town’s case, the end result is a bunch of bad actors trying to be funny, only with very little effort and failing miserably.  We get what they give, and it ain’t much!  Ironically, it’s the same collectively dismal performance you’d expect to see from a production of this calibre if this weren’t a spoof.
 
Amanda Deibert as Chanel Manley, however, is a revelation, as her character does battle with not one, but two bitter female rivalries.  The standout of Hell Town, her relish at hurling Dynasty-style “bitch” insults left and right makes for the soap’s sole source of entertainment.  Sadly, she doesn’t grace every scene, so the rest we are left with is just joyless tripe.
 
On the upside it’s not as bad as films like Disaster Movie.  But on the downside, at least the sheer lameness of films like Disaster Movie gave you something to do, such as knuckle-chewing, practising your impulse control or praying for death – not necessarily your own.  This shit is just plain boring, completely lacking that addictive moreish quality that all soaps have.  You’ll find yourself thanking god every time an episode ends and cursing the devil every time another begins.
 
LAST WORDS:
It’s bad enough when you have shit actors trying to do horror.  But comedy?  Oh good god, no!  And not just comedy, but a spoof?  Bitch, are you outta your damn mind?!  The skills needed to pull it off are far beyond the reach of nearly everyone involved.  Just because something isn’t meant to be taken seriously doesn’t mean that it isn’t still a giant pile of cow shit.  What kind of excuse is that?  Movies in general aren’t to be taken seriously.

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