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Ghosts in the Machine (House of VHS) - Rating * (Reviewed by Louis Stephenson)

8/23/2016

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Picture
​THE STORY:
An eclectic gang of young’uns decide to spend their summer holiday in a deserted house, despite there being no power or water.  There they happen across a bunch of VHS tapes and a working VCR.  But there is more to this machine, as they will soon discover…
 
So basically it’s Ab Fab’s ‘France’ episode meets V/H/S (2012).  Except it’s not funny…or scary…
 
Originally titled House of VHS (2016), Ghosts has a score of 7.2 out of 10 on IMDb.com.  If you’ve frequented the site enough times you’ll have learned by now that this score is better than most other horror movies.  Other entirely superior horror movies…  So what’s happened here then?  Ah-hah!  It has but only 16 votes to its name.  Let’s take a wild guess and say that the votes came from the cast & crew, the director’s girlfriend, his best mate and his mum.
 
Almost everything about this movie is juvenile.  From the acting to the writing, even the music.  It all feels so ludicrous that it’s as if the film was literally made for toddlers.  The worst of the bunch are Isabel McCann and Petur Oskar Sigurdsson, simply credited as The British Girl and The American Guy.  Isabel acts like that highly-annoying, pig-tailed, crazy-eyed, bouncy blonde kids’ TV presenter that haunts every child’s Saturday morning with Petur as her dumb-as-a-rock, ill-timed sidekick.
 
The music is just as irksome as it bips and bops along with the sickeningly sugar-sweet light-heartedness of a bad Disney movie, or one of those shitty Christmas movies you find on Channel 5.
 
LAST WORDS
An actual reviewer/blogger from the movie’s UK DVD cover states that this movie is “what horror fans have been waiting for”.  For their sake, we can only pray they were misquoted…
 
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