Poo jokes, Beardos, gaming conventions and a piglet.....welcome ladies and gents to the fourth film in Wimpy Kid series The Long Haul. Now i'm a fan of childish jokes, and I personally really enjoyed the first three wimpy kid films but alas with aging child actors there comes a time for the cast to change, and this time it wasn't for the better.

There is so much wrong with this film that the list could go on forever, and the only reason it didn't get a one star is because there were a handful of moments which actually made me inward laugh, but I suppose we should start this review with a run down of the plot.

Greg Heffley is back and in this adventure he is forced into a family road trip to visit their meema for her birthday. What could wrong? well a lot of things apparently. After Greg becomes a laughing stock when a meme of him with a diaper on his hand goes viral, he looks for a way to fix his soul crushing new name (diaper hands) by trying to get on video with videogame playing mega star Mac Digby, who is doing a game stream live from a videogame Convention which, luckily, is close to where his Meema lives! how about that. What follows is a series of events involving Greg getting into an altercation with a family of 'Beardos' as they end up being called, Rodrick being sick in a mans face, Manny's pet pig and an endless, and trust me it felt very VERY endless, array of crazy antics.

No matter how hard the film tries to make the antics that fall on the Heffley family as outrageous as they can, it just felt dull at times. I must admit there were some moments that made my chuckle inside, the scene with Greg in the Beardo's bathroom while he is have a massive crap is my kind of toilet humor (pun intended), but everything still drags on way to much, some joke are spread thinner than the last dregs of jam in the film jar. It was 10/15 minutes too long, if you condense it down, take out the final confrontation with the beardo family and cut a few scenes down here and there would make it better, but only by a smidge.

The film's major setback though is the change in actors, something which was inevitable due to the younger cast being too old to play the age group the books are set. But why the need to change all of them? The parents could of been kept the same, Alicia Silverstone has nothing on Rachel Harris, and the kid they got the play Rodrick (Charlie Wright) is possibly one of the worst actors I have ever seen, and I watch a hell of a lot of low budget horror films. 

The Long Haul is a family film more aimed at the younger audience, and yeah fine this is a film based of a kids book, for kids, but there isn't an awful lot for the adults. The toilet humour makes it watchable, and the only decent actor is Jason Drucker who is playing the new Greg.

Fun for the kids, painful for the grown-ups.

The year is 1955. NATO and the Allied Forces have been conducting secret, occult experiments in a bid to win the Arms Race. Now, they have finally succeeded but what the Army has unleashed threatens to tear our world apart. One woman must lead the only survivors past horrors that the military has no way to control - and fight to close what should never have been opened…

Zombies, who’d have em? Stick em in an underground bunker, that should do the trick. Unless you’re trapped down there with them. But usually, when you trap zombies with scientists and soldiers beneath the surface, things tend to get a bit “Resident Evilly” to say the least.

Locked doors and gloomy corridors aren’t our characters only fear to face as the dead walk and stalk their prey in this low budget chiller. Not only do the recently dead pop up in this, a multitude of surprising cameos make themselves known, which adds another fun dimension to the film as you wonder if that really is Lee from STEPS waving a gun around. The cast do a competent job of fearing whatever comes next.

Whilst the story isn’t the strongest, setting it in the fifties gives it some originality compared to other zombie films, and the use of sets is brilliant. Sometimes it seems no set at all is used at all, encasing the characters in a floating darkness was quite unnerving as there’s no corners for anything to hide behind, and this is used to great effect.
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The Rizen has some moments of pure originality viewers will enjoy, so if you’re after low-budget zombie fare with a few beers, it might be worth your time.

Lake Bodom is a Finnish slasher/thriller film in which four teenagers go on a trip to reconstruct a real murder from the 1960s – but as you can guess with this being a horror movie, it doesn’t exactly go to plan. It provides some interesting twists on the genre that make it original when it would have been easy to fall into a trap of clichés and separates it from what is typically associated with slasher films; for example, it’s slower paced than you might expect, and there is a significant subplot. However, even with this subplot which attempts to develop two of the characters, they’re still very bland – even in terms of their facial expressions there was very little going on – to the point where it made me resent them for how boring they were. The slow pace at the beginning of the film made it even more important for the characters to be engaging and sympathetic, but it seemed like very little effort went into developing them. The writing is the main problem of the film and the twists will probably be considered too much for some people watching it. They somehow manage to be ridiculous and predictable at the same time.

On the other hand, this is a technically well-made film. The lighting and muted colours give it a nice indie aesthetic and makes it fit in more naturally with the setting, creating a sense of realism in an otherwise visually over-the-top genre. The score is very atmospheric and is what makes the film recognisable as a slasher movie. Without this, it wouldn’t have had any familiarity beyond the lake setting and would have been more of a drama/thriller instead.
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If only there had been more development in the writing and the characters, Lake Bodom easily could have been a four-star movie. Its issues with writing are made even more obvious when it’s in contrast with professional camerawork, style and sound. The film is good on a visual level, but the content isn’t as interesting as it tries to be and the attempt to create something new from the slasher genre by using plot twists ends up being more confusing than surprising.  

LAKE BODOM IS NOW STREAMING ON SHUDDER

Psychos is a revenge horror about three women who were victims of childhood abuse, and decide to team up to make their abuser pay. Although it’s impossible to find out the budget for this film anywhere online, it’s safe to assume that it’s very low budget because of its student film vibe, which is an important factor to keep in mind when watching it. Low budgets can become an obstacle for films like this, and the biggest one here is in the acting. It’s not always terrible, for example Angelica Chitwood as Sasha had the best performance of the three main characters despite getting off to a rocky start (apparently, no one in this knows how to act drunk), and Aubrey Wakeling also had a surprisingly sinister, creepy scene when he is properly introduced. However, Melissa Elena Jones’ performance as Norma brings the film down a lot, especially when she becomes the focus of the story as it goes on. This makes connecting with the characters harder overall, which is a big disappointment for this type of horror that relies on getting the audience to care about them to be able to get any satisfaction from watching it. This could have been avoided if Sasha had continued to be the focal point throughout, because she was the most interesting and the most promising.

Despite the editing seeming disjointed which made the story confusing at times, particularly towards the end, using a structure that starts at the end and then shows the lead up to the events was a good decision that made the narrative more interesting than if it had been completely linear. It also doesn’t shy away from dark and disturbing scenes, and although they could’ve been far more effective with better acting, they’re filmed in a creative way that allows for the low budget and limited resources.

The film’s biggest downfall in the end is the casting choice for Norma who is such an important part of the narrative by the third act that it makes it hard to ignore. The emphasis put on her seemed misplaced when the other two women in the film were just as interesting but had better performances. However, the practical effects can be appreciated and it goes to show that effort went into making it, but it wasn’t enough the save the film as a whole.

The Watcher is a horror/thriller with the traditional (or should I say cliché?) story of a young couple moving into a new home with a bad history to try and get a fresh start, but become tormented by someone who doesn’t want them there. I didn’t exactly have high expectations for it to begin with since Lifetime movies are notorious for being awful – although on occasion they can be a guilty pleasure when there’s nothing else on TV. Then when the very first shot read ‘Inspired by actual events’, which probably made every horror movie fan watching it die on the inside, the bar was set even lower. However, overall, it’s painfully average. It’s not necessarily terrible but it’s not good either, kind of like the Ghostbusters reboot. A part of me wanted it to be surprisingly good when I noticed Edi Gathegi who had previously starred in X-Men: First Class (2011) was in the film, but sadly this wasn’t the case.

Before I annihilate this movie, it should be said that there are a couple of positive things about it. Firstly, despite the plot being overdone in so many horror films, it gets some points for the threat being human rather than the usual supernatural haunting. Unfortunately, the overall execution lets it down, which is a shame because this spin on the premise could’ve had a lot more potential. Secondly, the two protagonists have some likeability and I particularly enjoyed their scenes together early in the film, as well as the enthusiastic estate agent.
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One of the first things that I noticed when it started was how obvious the generic horror movie music was, which continued throughout most of the film, to the point where it became obnoxious. It really takes you out of the film and makes you aware that you are, indeed, watching a Lifetime horror movie (that’s what’s really scary about it). It could’ve benefited a lot from losing some of the music, especially in scenes where it didn’t feel necessary. The pace was also very slow and it felt long even though it was only around 90 minutes. This is possibly because it attempts to build tension rather than just use jump scares which is admirable, but it doesn’t quite succeed at it. At times, it’s unclear whether it’s intending to be a horror or a thriller, because it doesn’t combine the genres but instead jumps from one tone to the other. Overall, there’s a lot of issues with the film and its positive aspects aren’t enough to redeem it. Putting aside all assumptions about Lifetime movies, it does give the sense that it’s trying to get a vision across and that it had potential, but sadly it doesn’t quite manage to fulfil it.  

The first major step towards Infinity War, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 has hit cinemas with mostly positive reviews,  but how does this compare to the first Guardians film? and do the characters work second time around?

THERE IS GOING TO BE SPOILERS.......FINAL WARNING!!!

​First of some plot details...

After crash landing on an unfamiliar planet after evading a planet full of war ships, The guardians are face with the answer to an question we have all been wondering.....Who is Peter Quills' father! and his name is Ego! With half the team going with Quill to Ego's planet, Rocket finds himself and Baby Groot taken by Ravengers, Placed in a cell with Yondu they must escape the wrath of.....laser face....and find their way back to the team before Ego shows his true colours.

This is a family drama, filled with action and space battles. This is one of the more in-depth MCU offerings but also one of the lesser action packed in a way. Sure we have epic space battles, an giant fight between the team and a giant creature at the films start (which is mostly a very cute Baby Groot dancing sequence) and more space battles inside the living planet, but what we have at the films main core is a touching tale of Star Lord finding his alien father. Sure it doesn't go well in the end because..you know....Ego is a LIVING PLANET but there is a lot of sentiment here. We also get more of a background into Yondu as he and Rocket bond to escape the ravenger base, and I have to say the scenes with Yondu really opened up the character for the better. I loved the moment when peter realize Yondu's real intentions when he took him as a child, how he became the Yondu we all knew from the first film and the fact he has be exiled by the ravengers head leader Stakar Ogord (One of the original guardians in the comics don't ya know) played by screen legend Slyvester Stallone. However the best part of this film were the scenes with baby Groot. Man I love that little guy. From the opening dance scene to the halarious prison moments, this little tree made this movie so much fun.

The negatives...The soundtrack wasn't as good as the first film, with only two tracks being stand outs. I couldn't see myself sitting through the whole album of the films tracks like I did with the first film. I also found it lacked that certain something the first film had which I just can't put my finger on, however this doesn't make this a bad film, not by a long shot. I still enjoyed Vol 2 immensely and I would happily watch this a second and even third time in cinemas.

Great cast, Good story and GROOT! what else could you ask for.

I AM GROOT!!!!!!! 

Well it has been a long while since we have entered two of our writers in a battle of the reviews but with the release of The Void and two different opinions on the film I thought it time to enter the men into a battle of words....

After a small break from the reviewing game i'm glad to be back. This time around it's nice to bring you a glowing review (honestly, I was exhausted from watching all sorts of tripe at the back end of 2016) for a great direct to DVD title called The Void.

Now, The Void tries all the usual tricks to pull you in, promising top of the range practical effects and using comparisons to movies like The Thing and Event Horizon - this is enough to get most horror fans on board but is it all a con? tricks of the trade used on cover art to get your dosh?? i'm glad to say in this instance no, it wasn't.

The Void stars Aaron Poole as Officer Daniel Carter, whose duty it is to protect a small local hospital from some sort of crazed white cloaked cult enthusiasts who have surrounded the building, all the while something far more sinister is taking place inside the hospital and inside the minds of those trapped within it's walls.

There is a lot of 80's nostalgia flooding the market and the John Carpenter influence is in abundance here but it's always done in a complimentary way rather than to the point of spoofing or copying. The main draw is the amazing practical effects, the movie boasts of zero CGI and it's refreshing, some of the action looks a bit stationery but the majority of the effects are an amazing gooey mess of ideas and hard work.

The Void is a mix of sub-genres which starts off as a thriller along the lines of Assault on Precinct 13th, turns into a monster movie and then goes into a sci-fi mind fuck direction. This does have some negative impact, I thought the movie was flabby around the middle and could of done with one more action set piece to keep viewers in the zone but overall I was extremely happy with the final product and was glad to be bowled over by a movie that I never saw coming.

It isn't The Thing and it isn't Event Horizon but if you're a fan of these movies you won't be disappointed. I'm looking forward to what Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski bring to the genre next. 4/5

THE STORY:
Nanni (Helmut Burger), a crazed criminal, escapes prison and goes after the men that put him there, taking one of their wives, Guiliana (Marisa Mell), as a consolation prize in the process. Forced to be his lover and accomplice, the woman bravely tries to turn the tables on him as the cops are ever closing in. But can she ever truly escape him?

Helmut returns after his turn in the 1971 giallo The Bloodstained Butterfly, with director Sergio Greico’s action thrill-ride of crime and chaos as the cruel madman, Nanni Vitali. He’s one mean bastard. He likes his guns. He likes his rape. So twisted is his character that one particular scene of torture and murder reflects the brazen viciousness of Nico Mastorakis’ psychotic rampage that is 1976’s Island of Death.

Standout kill scenes aside, the action here is a little dated. The punch-up scenes from movies of this time are just as hammy as any 60s Batman episode. On the upside these kinds of silly shenanigans can catch you off guard and set you up for a nice and nasty surprise when the real violence gets going. And you know them Italians. They take it to the Nth degree every time.

Needless to say No.16 in 88’s Italiano range is nowhere near as light-hearted as Live Like A Cop, Die Like A Man (1976). And Nanni & Guiliana are hardly the next Adam & Eve of 1977’s Hitch-Hike. But I do like what Mad Dog has in common with No.24, Massacre in Dinosaur Valley (1985). Both movies shake things up. They change the game in the final stretch. While Massacre’s Kevin and Eva go from cannibal chow to diamond trade sex slaves, the unfortunate Guiliana switches from being the hostage to being the hunted. Like going out of the frying pan and into the fire, but in reverse. Kinda…

LAST WORDS:
It took a little while, but it’s cool to see a more straight-faced poliziotteschi in the bunch, even if it is a bit mean-spirited in parts.

We were very lucky here at Snakebite Reviews to get our hands on a few advance screeners of some of the amazing films to be showing at this years Sci-Fi London event. First up is Domain, a nicely made little film which is a perfect way to kick of a festival like this.

Selected via a lottery process a group of people are saved from a virus which has wiped out the human race. Stuck in separate underground bunkers seven survivors are linked up via a digital domain where they can interact with each other in a chat room style video chat. But not all is as it seems when the group exile one of the members from the group, leading to creepy events. One by one the group are taken from their rooms not to be seen again, but what is this dark figure taking them?

Domain is very similar to films like The Divide, it focuses on human behaviour after an end of the world scenario, and this is one of the shining things about this movie, human interaction. Who are these people? What are their stories? What happened to them before the end of mankind? We get this from each of the characters here, and as the film progresses the dark side of some of their pasts begin the surface. This leads to a gripping final half, which you can kind of see coming but doesn’t take away anything from the film as a whole.

The acting is perfect to be honest, I was behind each and every character, well until the back stories kicked in then you hate some of them! But the twists and turns are well played out. I love the direction here too, it is hard to make a film like this speak loud enough to be noticed among similar films of the genre, which speaks volumes for the director and the films writer.

This is a must see film and I hope it gets a DVD or VOD release soon after the festival ends.