POE’S STORY
The original tale of The Black Cat tells the story of a man who murders the family pet by hanging, which incites the burning of his home.  After finding a replacement, he becomes afraid of the creature as a mark on its fur reminds him of the death of its predecessor.  While exploring the cellar of his new home, the feared feline nearly causes a tumble.  His wife intervenes as he tries to kill the animal for this near accident.  She is killed instead and bricked up behind a wall in the cellar to conceal the crime.  The man is caught when the police hear cries while completing their investigation.  When they tear down the wall, they find the cat with the wife’s body.
 
Even at a passing glance it is refreshingly clear just how different Martino and Fulci’s movies are.  While Martino takes the whodunit giallo approach, the black-gloved killer waiting in the shadows as the cat itself is employed as an omen of sorts; Fulci presents us with an atmospheric creature feature, in which the cat is directly responsible for the deaths that occur whether by its hypnotic yellow eyes or by its own gleaming claws.  The key similarity, unsurprisingly, is the ingenious ending from the original short story in which a discovery behind a bricked up wall leads us to comeuppance of the true culprit.
 
Like the colour orange in Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather (1972), Martino’s use of the black cat’s presence as a sign of danger while foreshadowing the capture of the villain is wickedly clever.  Lucio, however, stays true to what his fanbase had come to expect at that point in his career, breaking out those grim and grisly gore-filled moments whenever he finds the opportunity.  His interpretation most certainly has a higher entertainment factor with leaves that creepy, creaking door open for a few unintentionally amusing scenes.  As they say in the biz, “Never work with children or animals!”
 
Regardless, this double feature from Arrow is a beautiful and vibrant restoration, best noticeable in Fulci’s adaptation and its many close-ups of the killer cat’s eyes; the yellow and black glisten like crystals in sunlight.  If you are a lover of great Italian horror, I highly recommend this excellent pairing as it represents some of the best in genre movies the country has to offer.
 
 

THE STORY:
A detective suspects that there is something more to a series of grisly murders.
 
4 Stars from Scream Magazine…  What fucking movie were you watching?!!  Bad enough that the opening sequence offends your eyes with an utterly piss-poor rip-off of the film-within-a-film Headless from Scott Schirmer’s Found (2012).  The killer even removes the female victim’s eyeball with a piece of cutlery and proceeds to eat it while wearing a skull mask…  They would be better off pirating this scene, but I suppose the vast increase in film quality would stick out like a sore, severed thumb.
 
How does this crap even make it into distribution?  I can honestly say that I have nothing redeeming to write about this film.  The camerawork is beyond shit.  The writing is worse.  The acting is the worst, particularly from the lead.  It’s frightening to think that its creation took up any slight amount of human thought or energy at all.
 
LAST WORDS:
I know by all logic that DVDs alone are harmless objects, but I will not only tell you to avoid this one like the plague.  I will also warn you that if you ever catch even a glimpse of it in your supermarket, or if a friend suddenly ambushes you with it on a beer and movie night, I want you to run… run like your fucking life depended on it. 
 

***CONTAINS SPOILERS***


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THE STORY:
The shark infested tornados spiral further out of control, culminating in one final super-storm that could destroy the entire East Coast of the United States.  Joined by the likes of the Hoff and Frankie “Malcolm” Muniz, it’s Fin Shephard to the rescue for a third time.
 
Oh Hell No!...  was certainly my reaction to the announcement that this second silly sequel had gone into production.  That said, there comes a certain indestructability with such an unashamedly schlocky franchise that is designed to be exactly that.  So I can either spend the next 200 or so words taking cheap shots at cheap gags like some out of touch asshole, or I can just get the joke… more or less.
 
Packed end to end with countless cameos of non-actors, most of which are unrecognisable to a UK audience, and Tara Reid…it doesn’t take much for lead, Ian Ziering’s unremarkable performance to shine through.  In particular, I found the scene in which Fin becomes stuck in a theme park ride that subsequently plummets and shit-whips him into another attraction funny as fuck.  The fact it was intentionally funny caught me by surprise.
 
And after the halfway point, the ridiculous spectacle, the corny action-movie quotes settle in to your icy cynicism like a hot cup of tea.  That could just be the snow outside getting to me…  Anyways!  The proceedings take a real dive at the hour mark.  The lull coincides with the appearance of Fin’s father, Hasselhoff (who else?!).  It’s not his fault, but his presence doesn’t do much to distract us from the overly long, and ironically boring build-up to their rocket launch.
 
I won’t mention what happens between Fin’s pregnant wife, April and a shark turned space pirate, but up until that moment she may as well have not been in the movie at all.
 
LAST WORDS:
There’s still some funny left in this ludicrous film series.  And with that I cast my vote to Sharknado 3’s underwhelming cliff-hanger.  #AprilDies  #IHopeSharknado4IsCalledTheLastOne
 
 

​THE STORY:
Almost a year after the abduction of their son from a Halloween carnival, Mike Crawford (Nicolas Cage) and wife Kristen (Sarah Wayne Callies) begin to see ghostly visions, which lead them to believe they still have a chance to save him.
 
The frantic husband/father searching for answers schtick must be so familiar to Cage by now that he could probably do it sleepwalking on a tightrope during hurricane season.  Callies by comparison looks young enough to be his rebellious daughter, which is why their separation since their son’s disappearance works well with the dynamic of this mismatched duo.  She’s been in Prison Break.  She’s been in The Walking Dead.  And I have to ask…does she always have that “bunny caught in the headlights” look on her face?
 
Pay The Ghost has an entertaining streak with its quick jump scares, its violent kills and its very own generic origin ghost story, but in doing so it leaves room for several plot-holes.  Although they create a potentially greater threat, the ghost witch’s murderous ways are out of character, and simply do not make sense.  She abducts children to her corner of the netherworld, that’s it.  She was never a killer.  And even if she was, the death of Crawford’s colleague is pointless because it occurs too late in the story.  And why spare the blind homeless man?
 
LAST WORDS:
The ghost witch isn’t the most original villain, but there have been enough years between her and the tooth fairy from Darkness Falls (2003) for that to be okay.  This won’t be your favourite horror movie, but there’s enough to keep you interested.  It’s certainly better than anything else that’s been released this year so far!

Plot: A group of stranded teens turn to an abandoned farmhouse for shelter from the elements but soon find a far greater danger lies inside. When one of the friends is brutally murdered, the group begin to fear they are being stalked by a vicious cannibalistic murderer. As the students are picked off one by one, a deadly game of survival begins that only the lucky ones will survive.

80's Horror, the era most people of my generation of horror watchers class as the ultimate era of horror movie greatness,  and to a point it is, but it was also home to some awful tripe. So when choosing to do an 80's slasher homage horror film you would have thought the film makers would have chosen better source material to work against, but alas we get the worst video nasty rip off you could get.

The film is full to the rim with 80's cliches, you have the innocent girl, the sporty girl, the posh girl, the jock, the jock's friend who isn't bad really just a gentle soul, the fat guy, the rock chick and, of course, the black guy with the fro and fro comb.....add car breaking down, creepy house and a cannibal in a pear tree (awful joke sorry) and you have the bases of an 80's Video nasty and the premise of the movie. The acting was terrible, and I mean terrible beyond 80's standards. The only real saving grace was the death scenes, one of which is a nod to the ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS eye splinter scene.

LOST AFTER DARK really didn't do it for me, it felt cheap and I spent more energy checking how long the film had left than enjoying the film. If you want to make a good 80's homage horror film look at what Ti West did with the amazing 2009 horror film THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL and take some notes.

If you grew up in the late 80's and 90's you, at some point, will have heard of the name N.W.A, the group which saw the rise of the heavy rap scene and the rise of some of the biggest names in the world of rap and hiphop. No i must admit even though I knew of N.W.A I was never a huge fan heading more into the world or R&B or later in my teens rock and heavy metal, however lets admit it we have all listened to a bit of Dr. Dre and Ice Cube. STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON made me want to revisit the rap world I had only ever dipped my toe into. The power behind the music, the reasoning behind the big tracks has more to it than I first thought.

STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON was an eye opener, I wasn't expecting much but hey sometimes the hype is actually well founded. The films isn't so much a biopic of the music these men created together to get their voices heard but the awful treatment of black people in america during this period. The scene where the group are just standing outside the recording studio and are force to get face down on the ground just because they were black was disgusting and inhuman. Loved the scene where N.W.A are told to not sing Fuck The Police  which leads to the group singing it out of principle which leads to a riot at the stadium which the fans singing Fuck the Police at the top of their voice as the group are led off in the back of a police van .

The behind the scenes story of Manager corruption, dodgy record labels and the murky world of being a rap star in that era was more shocking than i thought it would be, Paul Giamatti was great in the role of Jerry Heller and the dodgy goings on that led to Easy E losing money and the reason the group went their separate ways.

This is an EPIC biopic which is a great watch on its own but a great film for fans of the men behind N.W.A and rap in general.

There comes a time in every man’s life when he sits down to watch a movie, and within the first five minutes, maybe less, his mind is screaming, “Oh my fucking god… What piece of shit am I watching right now?”
 
Thanks to Fury that time has come again…
 
THE “STORY”:
Lunatic cop Ronan Pierce (Michael McCarthy) rages through the criminal underworld in pursuit of the cruel Cartel that killed his daughter and kidnapped his wife.
 
The makers of this “movie” would have you believe that it is a tribute, a salute, a love letter to the daring graphic novels that inspired its creation.  Well now…
 
Watching this “movie” was like listening to a CD of your mate’s band for the first time only to find out that they suck.  And I mean REALLY suck.  From start to finish you are frozen in silent horror.  Every second brings another wave of agony to your existence.  The only upside is that Fury is not your mate’s band, so you can kiss that excruciating fake smile and high-pitched voice of over-enthusiastic approval goodbye!
 
Just about everything is wrong with this movie.  The quality of ineptitude is forever varying.  Sometimes a shot can be almost on the point, others make you wonder if they’ve ever even held a damn camera before.  But what’s genuinely bizarre is the spectacle of an entire cast of people who can’t act for shit trying to overact???  The eyes are bulging.  The teeth are grinding.  The veins are going.  They look like sweaty-ass cavemen after being driven mad by hours of painful constipation.  Nobody does it better, or worse… than the lead himself.  Only blood ties could inspire that level or dedication, and humiliation.
 
LAST WORDS:
As a love letter to graphic novels this “movie” is a joke.  Films that pay tribute are never perfect, but they are also never this feckless.  I don’t want to talk/write about this “movie” anymore.  Just let me get a butter knife and a few wads of kitchen roll as I figure out how to safely remove this steaming turd from my DVD player.  I fear, however, that it may never be removed from my mind…