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American Bigfoot - Rating: * * (Reviewed by Louis Stephenson)

3/14/2018

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Picture
THE STORY:
The world’s longest advert for the world’s worst Halloween costume! Basically what it says on the tin. There’s a Bigfoot out there in them woods a-causin’ a bunch of trouble in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere.

Somebody please tell me this is a joke. We’ve all seen movies like these. Movies that make you think: Why the fuck did they even bother? Usually this reaction is reserved for Hollywood remakes. But every once in a while it can be applied to movies like this, because as soon as you catch a glimpse of the beast, you’ll be wondering which children’s arts and crafts classroom its face was stolen from. I’m not kidding. The only thing that’s a bigger piece of shit than this movie is the fucking terrible Bigfoot costume.

Horrifyingly it doesn’t stop there. Just about everything that you could do wrong on a film production is done wrong here. Despite the inclusion of Zach Galligan, who I haven’t clapped eyes on since Hatchet III (2013), there isn’t a spec of detectible talent from the cast or the crew.

On the flipside, if this atrocity happens to find you in a more forgiving frame of mind, American Bigfoot can be quite a rootin’, tootin’ hoot to watch because of how laughably bad it is. From the fuck-tard acting, to the piss-poor camerawork, it’s an utter shambles. So completely shite that the only way to survive the full duration is to surrender and laugh your ass off.

LAST WORDS:
While this movie is certainly bad, it’s a shame that it isn’t bad enough to be as legendary as the myth itself. It does come pretty close though.
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